awareness of my privilege

arrived as a cyclone
swirling me around
in winds of self-absorption

powerless
to my realizations my confessions
could never be
a balm for my shame

i felt

shame for a life i had no control over
being born in canada
having a father
in academia
my chinese ancestry

i felt

shame for a life that came naturally to me
a desire for harmony
teacher’s pet they called me
a spark of creativity
they looked over with resentment
a thread of hope
she lives in a bubble

i felt

vulnerable
disgusted
by my own fragility
guilt for feeling shame at all
what right do i have to feel this way

i wanted

to wash away my privilege
i didn’t earn my history
i shouldn’t be where i am
i don’t deserve my future

i wanted

to lash out
to lash in
to run away
it’s safer to be alone

until time
precious
cherished
patient time

my shame turned to
learning turned to
observation turned to
reflection turned to
gratitude turned to
understanding that
my luck and good fortune are blessings

i feel

grateful for my
chinese-canadian heritage for my
father’s deep commitment to work for my
harmony for my
creativity for my
hope in my
past present and future

i don’t need to

dim my light
hide my strength
pretend to be someone
i’m not

i don’t need to

turn away from
my power
my pain
my wholeness

i see you
privilege
and i challenge you to
be thankful
feel blessed
pay it forward
give back