Listen deeply
My overarching theme in 2021 is listen deeply. This phrase hold so many different layers and nuances for me. I want to listen deeply to myself and others so I can:
Fully allow my intuition to guide me.
Last year’s theme of Believe in Yourself was hugely impactful and I made great strides in following my intuition. I also learned that this is a skill that gets easier with practice. This year, I want to take it further and listen even more deeply to what my inner compass is trying to tell me.
My mind is often plagued by the dreaded question, “what will people think?” — I have a fear of judgment that is overwhelming at times. I would like to focus instead on what I truly want and not worry so much about other people’s opinions on my life.
When it comes to the people close to me, I often get wound up about doing things I think they will like. I’m a people pleaser at heart, so sometimes I put my own desires and preferences on the back burner. I’d like to communicate more openly with the important people in my life so we can find a way forward that feels good for all of us.
Be fully present in conversations.
Conversations are a great way to spark new ideas, but I’ve noticed that when I get overly excited about something, I tend to interject or interrupt. I’d like to let the other person finish speaking before jumping in with my two cents.
I enjoy problem solving, so I tend to offer solutions or advice a bit too hastily. I’d like to focus on just listening and not offer up solutions or advice unless specifically asked. This applies to both verbal conversations as well as email correspondence.
When conversations go on too long on certain topics, I tend to lose interest and my mind wanders off. I’m not too sure how to combat this but it’s something I’d like to work on.
When I’m nervous or feeling the effects of my ego, I tend to think a lot about what to say next. It’s hard to think and listen at the same time so I’d like to shelve the thinking and be more fluid and flexible in my approach to conversations.
Another thing I do when I’m nervous — I feel the need to fill up silence. Sometimes I end up talking about things that don’t really reflect who I am or complaining about things that don’t really bother me. I want to get more comfortable with silence so I can focus on conversations that are in line with my true self.
I have a strong tendency to want to relate to people and let them know that I understand where they’re coming from. This often results in me turning the conversation to my own experiences. I want to listen deeply without making someone else’s experience about me.
The more I learn about anti-racism and anti-oppression, the more I realize how immersed I am in the culture of white supremacy. In combination with the divisiveness in the world lately, this has made me realize that there are viewpoints outside my bubble on a wide variety of topics — politics, the economy, the pandemic, the list goes on. I want to listen deeply to learn and reflect on other points of view. I may not change my mind, but I want to respect that other experiences are valid and true, even when they are different from my own.
By the end of this year, I’d like to be proud of my ability to listen deeply — to myself and others. I’ll be working on infusing my annual theme into everything I do so it can become part of my core personality and skill set. Similar to previous years, I’ve also set a number of tactical, measurable goals to nudge me in the right direction. In some way, each of these goals relates to the practice of listening deeply.
2021 review
This annual theme arrived at the perfect time and I made great strides this year. I learned to listen deeply to myself, hearing my inner voice and considering my future self when making decisions. I felt like I was true to myself this year, which is something I don’t think I could have said in previous years. I also made some huge improvements in listening deeply to other people. I’ve been working really hard on not interrupting, not giving unsolicited advice, and not thinking about what to say next. Instead, I try to focus on what the other person is saying.
Sometimes I do still get distracted and fall into old patterns, but overall, listening deeply has proved to be very healing. I feel less of a need to perform, be defensive, or look smart. Instead, I can be calmer, more thoughtful, quieter, allow pauses, admit that I don’t know — and truly let the conversation go where it needs to go. I’m more comfortable with my awkwardness. I’m more comfortable expressing myself. It’s fascinating that listening deeply can lead to all this.
Goal #1: Complete the first draft of my book
This year, I don’t have a specific goal relating to 30-day challenges, but I view my book as a series of 30-day challenges so I’ll have plenty to work on. To be quite honest, while I still love the idea for my book, I haven’t felt like working on it in the last few months. This might be partly due to the distractions of how busy it was at work, our December staycation, the holiday season, and saying goodbye to our beloved Truffle — but I’d like to focus on my book in 2021 by completing the first draft. I have an outline and a plan, so I should be in decent shape to meet this goal.
2021 review
This goal shifted a little bit partway through the year. I realized I had to map out all the self-reflection activities in my book before I could figure out “what am I really trying to say” and work on the actual writing. But I’m so happy and proud to report hat I have finished with my modified goal of developing and testing out the self-reflection activities! I will likely still make some tweaks but I’ll save those for 2022. Overall, I’m still on track to finish my book by May 2023.
Goal #2: write down a significant remembrance at the end of every day
I adjusted my planner pages template so I could jot down a memory about each day that is significant to me. This could be the best thing that happened to me, something I’m grateful for, or a memory I want to cherish. I envision this practice being a reflection on the one thing that impacted my day in a way that I want to remember.
In the last week of 2020, I tentatively began this practice and it was beautiful. Here are a few of my remembrances:
Dec 26/20. Having a heartfelt conversation with hubby about Truffle during our relationship check-in.
Dec 27/20. Spending all day with Truffle, culminating into our slumber party in the living room.
Dec 28/20. Getting to spend tender moments in the car with Truffle before he hopped over the rainbow bridge.
Dec 29/20. Hubby and me openly expressing our grief after saying goodbye to Truffle.
These may seem like sad memories and they do make me tear up, but they’re also full of connection, vulnerability, and love. These are the moments that make us human. These are the moments I want to remember.
2021 review
This practice was incredibly helpful by encouraging me to find a key touchstone in each day — something I want to remember about the day. When I look back at some of my entries, I practically re-live those moments. These memories act as anchors to the abundance of joy and gratitude in my life. Even the not-so-wonderful moments are anchors — to my tenderness, strength, and resilience.
Goal #3: Complete a year of moon planning
Last fall, I discovered the beauty of moon planning and it’s been jiving so well with my system! I share a bunch of details about my practice here. In 2021, I’d like to hold a moon planning ceremony at every new moon and full moon.
2021 review
Oh my goodness, this practice! It’s such an incredible feeling when I find something that clicks. This is one of those things. Planning with the lunar cycle jives so well with my system that I’m going to continue this practice in 2022. It no longer needs to be on my list of goals because I’ve integrated it into one of my cornerstone practices. You can read more about what I do during moon planning and how this practice helps me here and here.
Goal #4: Meet my ANNUAL expense target
This is a similar goal to last year, pretty much right down to the actual target expense level itself.
2021 review
Target achieved! I was actually under budget this year by approximately 30% so this was a huge success.
Goal #5: Reach my ANNUAL PASSIVE INCOME GOAL
Last year, I started structuring my investments towards generating more passive income and I’d like to continue on this path. Sooo I’ve set a specific passive income target that I would like to meet. This is probably the goal I have the least control over but I’ll try it for a year and see how it works out. I have a strange feeling about this one so I wouldn’t be surprised if I tweak it in some way or even scrap it altogether.
2021 review
I knew when setting this goal that something about it was off. While I would still like to increase my passive income over time, it naturally took a bit of a backseat in 2021. I ended up unofficially scrapping this goal pretty early on.
Goal #6: maintain a “just-in-time” inventory approach to BUYING groceries
Over the years, I’ve noticed that I tend to over-purchase food, leading to bursting cupboards and a bit of waste. I’d like to work on maintaining a just-in-time inventory system for groceries this year, where I buy what I need when I need it. Sometimes this won’t be fully possible, e.g., with Costco or other bulk ordering, but I’d like to do this as much as possible particularly with perishables. I always have good intentions when I buy fresh fruit and vegetables, but then I see the sweet potatoes that have been sitting on my counter for months or the French green beans tucked into the back of our vegetable drawer that are starting to get slimy — and I know I can do better.
2021 review
I made some progress with this goal in terms of perishables, but hubby and I still tend to stock up a lot on non-perishables — in particular, we have a HUGE number of snacks right now. Overall, I’d still consider this goal a success because perishables and food waste was where I was feeling the most disconnect in terms of where I wanted to be. After attempting this goal for a year, I’m feeling at peace with stocking up on non-perishables as I like taking advantage of sales and bulk purchases when I know we will use up the items over time.
Goal #7: keep a meaningful collection of digital photos
When I was looking through my old hard drives for photos of videos of Truffle, I noticed that I have A LOT of photos that are essentially duplicates. Some are blurry, some are in focus, some are literally indistinguishable from each other. I’d like to be a bit more organized about this so I don’t feel overwhelmed when I look through my old files. Going forward, I’d like to be more selective in the photos that I keep. While I still want to document life in a way that is meaningful to me (I’m incredibly thankful to have so many photos of Truffle), I’d like to limit any duplicate photos to two or three (I do not need 7-10 photos of the same plate of food or the same cloud pattern in the sky).
2021 review
I’ve been pretty good with not taking too many photos and deleting any duplicates. My digital photos have been very organized and minimal this year, so I’m feeling happy about where I’m at with this goal.
Goal #8: get on my yoga mat every day
This is the strength training and exercise goal that I haven’t quite been able to figure out, but I think I have it now! Since I have a well-formed (and continuing) habit around writing daily morning pages, I’ve started using the strategy of habit stacking to remind myself to get on my yoga mat. I’ve been doing this every day since a week or two before the new year, and I’m really excited that I may have finally found my way forward with this goal.
As with my attempt last year, there are no parameters around what exercises I’ll do or how long I’ll stay on the yoga mat. In the week or two that I’ve been experimenting with this, I’ve been doing some stretching, light yoga, and/or shaking — sometimes only for a few minutes, sometimes for longer. Each day, I will listen deeply to see what feels good.
2021 review
I’m over the moon to report that I have FINALLY achieved this very light goal around stretching and exercise! In the last month or so of the year, I didn’t technically take out my yoga mat… but I do take the time every day to do at least a little bit of stretching. When my body feels particularly strong or energetic, I’ll do a bit of yoga or strength work. These times have been few and far between, but I’ve gotten good at listening to (and respecting) my body. And with my new to-do list system, I’ve been able to uncouple this practice from my morning pages. That means I often do my stretches in the evening, which feels particularly wonderful.